Convention worries and more paradoxes

I’ve been feeling down of late. A large part of it, is that a couple of conventions are looming and I’m getting worried that I haven’t got anything to submit to editors, or have read all the relevant books beforehand. I realise that I may be the only person who thinks like this. I have not signed up for any sessions for pitching anything, or having to interview anybody. I am not going to have to take an exam, when I get there, so I should not have to worry.

Trying to work on idea for a story, I’m having a problem with the Grandfather paradox. You can’t kill your own grandfather, but your grandchild could kill you, after you have caused it to be born. There should be a reason, for why this can’t work, but I can’t think of it.

Convention fears, unrealistic goals, job interveiw worries

Time for a convention related to writing is approaching, but I'm still worried about going. I keep feeling as if I have failed because I haven't published anything and been paid. It's like I'll walk in, and everybody will turn, point and say all together, "Another year and you haven't become a successful writer? Ha, Ha, Ha, you miserable failure."

I know that this is stupid and it won't happen. I know that nobody is judging me. But I get stuck into these patterns where I make myself feel guilty.

At the root of it, is that I tend to set myself unrealistic goals and I know this. It's just a case of breaking the mindset that starts doing it. Going to spend the weekend brainstoming ideas, for November novel writing month, so I'll probably feel better at the end of it.

Have got a job interview on a week on Monday, so I have time to prepare for it. My ideal way to do this would be to sit down, think of all possible questions and research the company as much as I can. I realise this sounds a bit much, but I want the job.